Golden Thread
by soho178
Summary: Memories of a sister coming of age.


**Oh, Had I A Golden Thread**  
**Pete Seeger**

_**Oh, had I a golden thread  
And a needle so fine  
I'd weave a magic strand  
Of rainbow design  
Of rainbow design**_

"Uncle Jarrod!"

"What is it, Pumpkin?" Jarrod looked down at his ten year old great niece and the Indian blanket she was carrying nestled in her arms. "You know you're not supposed to touch that."

"I'm sorry Uncle Jarrod, but Jeremy said that it belonged to Aunt Audra and it was a rainbow rug, but he couldn't tell me what that meant. You know so much, I thought you could." She looked at him out of a face that so reminded him of her grandfather that he had to laugh. Nick Barkley certainly bred true, even a generation in between. He would have to tease his brother about that the next time they had a moment alone.

"Sit here." He patted the sofa next to him and when she'd settled he spread out the blanket across their laps. "This was a gift to your Aunt Audra from the women at a Navaho village where she and your Uncle worked."

"Aunt Audra worked at an Indian Reservation? But you were rich! Why?"

"Well, being rich was part of it, but you would have to have known your Aunt Audra to understand. She had a wonderful warm heart and all she really wanted out of life was to help those who weren't as lucky as we were."

------

The sapphire blue silk gown skimmed her shoulders and swooped down into a daring neckline that revealed the slightest swell of her breasts. It was cut to perfection, hugging her trim figure until it fell in graceful folds off of her hips. There was little decoration, only the fine pearls and embroidery that traced along the narrow rolled neckline. It was utterly untraditional, not at all a style that Audra had seen anywhere else and she loved it.

Jarrod hated it. Well that wasn't strictly true. It was a stunning gown and he had to give his sister credit for her taste. What he hated was the gown on her. Even to his paternal eye, or maybe because of it, the dress made her far too desirable as a woman. Audra's beauty had already been a source of too worry for him over the years since she'd started dating. Now that she was of marriage age he found himself wishing that she didn't present such an attractive package… sweet natured, innocent, beautiful and rich. He sighed and prepared to meet her latest beau.

Audra had been waiting for this particular dance with eager anticipation. Christopher had asked her weeks ago, soon after his family's return to the valley for a summer visit. They'd been gone for two years, two years in which Christopher had matured. He was a well built, powerful young man with a smooth charm and ready wit. His looks left her breathless and there was a definite animal magnetism that sparked between them.

The dress had been an impulse purchase in San Francisco on her last visit. She'd seen it and bought it without hesitation. Something about the elegance, the clean uncluttered lines appealed to her. Tonight was the perfect opportunity to wear it. The Founders Day Dance was one of the highlights of the social season in Stockton. This had been her first year as a member of the Planning Committee, courtesy of Victoria's influence, and she was anxious to acquit herself with dignity, as someone worthy of the position.

There was a knock at the front door and Silas answered, admitting the young man and taking his hat wordlessly. Christopher Smalley barely looked at Silas before his eyes started scanning the staircase for Audra.

"Mr. Smalley?" The dashing blond was brought back to the servant's presence.

"The family is in the parlor. They would like you to join them for a drink. Smalley scowled, clearly not happy about having to socialize with the rest of the Barkleys. He nodded and Silas led the way.

Heath had watched the interaction from his vantage point by the French Doors to the patio. He noted the transformation that came over the young man's face as he entered the room. It was a smiling and deferential Christopher who greeted Victoria with a kiss on the cheek and handshakes for Nick and Jarrod. There was just the barest hesitation before he bestowed the same on Heath.

"Christopher, how is your family? We haven't had the opportunity to see them for the last two weeks."

"They're fine, Mrs. Barkley. My father is enjoying the visit here, renewing acquaintances and spending some time in San Francisco. He finds it a welcome change from the crowds of the East. My brother is enjoying visiting with old friends."

"And you?" Jarrod asked good-naturedly. "Does Stockton seem changed from when you left?"

The young man paused before answering, "Certainly the town had grown, but it's still as wild as I remember it. Not at all like living in Richmond." Frank Smalley had moved his family back east after the death of his brother. Andrew had run the family business and with his parting there had been no one to take over. The Smalley ranch had been a moderate success, but nothing to compare to the chain of merchantile shops that dotted the state of Virginia. The ranch had been sold to the Barkleys and the family had moved. Willa Smalley had died back east and Frank had needed to get away. He'd opted to come back for a visit, to a place that contained happier memories. His children had followed along dutifully.

Audra descended the steps and made her way to the Parlor. Nick glanced her way and stood, signaling her arrival. The other men followed suit. She greeted Christopher with a bright smile. His eyes raked over her in a most appreciative manner, the rudeness not missed by her mother or brothers.

"Audra, you look lovely tonight." Christopher placed a chaste kiss on her cheek but squeezed her hand and rubbed his thumb across her palm. The touch made her heart speed up and brought a faint brush to her cheeks. Heath watched the interaction with a growing sense of disquiet. He traded looks with his brothers. This young man would bear watching.

"Nice of you to join us, Audra." Nick teased her, "I'll have Ciego bring the carriages around." He left to find the stableman and Jarrod called for Silas to bring the ladies' wraps. Jarrod took the opportunity to pull Christopher aside. "I would like you to keep in mind that Audra has led a rather sheltered existence, Christopher." The look he pinned the young man with made his meaning quite clear despite the polite phrasing. He nodded, passing off his angry flush as embarrassment. "Of course, Jarrod! I have nothing but respect for Audra. You can rest easy that she's safe with me."

Jarrod searched the young man's eyes. Satisfied he'd made his point, he gestured towards the front door and they headed for Stockton.

The room was brightly lit and filled with color. The men in their black tie and tuxedos made a counterpoint to the array of pastels and gem tones adorning the upper crust of Stockton society. Audra entered on Christopher's arm and stood as he handed her wrap in at the coatroom. She and Victoria excused themselves to the women's dressing room along with her brothers' dates. The men rolled their eyes and made for the bar, knowing they had at least fifteen minutes before the women would deign themselves sufficiently put together for public viewing. Nodding and returning greetings to the other men standing in the bar, they made their way to a quiet corner while Christopher greeted his own father and brother.

"Looks like our sister is up to her usual bad taste in men." Nick frowned in the blond's direction.

Heath nodded and Jarrod gave an exasperated sigh. "Do you think she does it just to be contrary?"

"Wouldn't surprise me big brother, after all, you've been pretty strict with her."

"Oh me is it?" Jarrod bristled." I don't see either of you letting her off a short line."

"Yeah Jarrod, but we ain't Pappy, so you get all the credit!"

Jarrod put on his best long-suffering face "Blame is more like it! How did I get so lucky?"

Eventually the women returned and the group was joined by Frank Smalley and his older son, Michael.

"Victoria." Frank placed a kiss on her cheek. He turned to his younger son and smiled past him. "Audra! My, what a beautiful young woman you are becoming." She had the grace to blush.

"Thank you Mr. Smalley." She turned to Michael who raised her hand and kissed it, meeting her eyes. Ever since they'd been teens, Michael had always been overshadowed by his younger brother's looks and outgoing personality. Both young men had matured in their absence, but Chris was still the more dashingly handsome and charming of the two. "Perhaps you would save me a dance later, Audra?"

"I'd be delighted." She turned to Chris who flashed his brother an annoyed look then make their excuses and steered Audra to the dance floor. Much of Audra's time was taken up with official duties including dancing with several of Stockton's more prominent businessmen. Chris was rather put out but finally managed to get her alone in the garden for a walk towards the end of the evening.

"It's lovely out here, isn't it Chris?" They were strolling around the lily pond behind the Merriman mansion.

"Umm, I'm afraid I hadn't noticed." He nuzzled her neck with gentle lips.

They passed behind a rose arbor out of sight of the house and he stopped her progress with a hand to her waist. "God you're beautiful Audra." She could feel the heat of his hand through the silk and it made her heart beat faster. Bending down he kissed her lips. Moving from her mouth he traced a line along her jaw and down her neck until he could feel her trembling with the sensations. Moving back his kiss grew more passionate and his tongue pressed for entrance to her mouth. Unsure of what to do she allowed him inside and was overwhelmed by the line of fire that ran through her.

Chris felt her heart race and smiled to himself. He let his hand brush across the top of her breasts, then lower his palm until it enclosed one of the soft mounds. Kneading gently he felt the shivers begin to course through her. His fingers sought out the hardness that her arousal had caused. Frustrated by the layers of proper underpinnings, he instead slipped his hand inside the front of the dress and pulled her soft white breast out so that he could suck on it. The moment he took her in his mouth she knew it was wrong but she also couldn't stop. They barely knew each other but he was making her feel a way no other beau had. His frank stares and subtle touches had been stirring desires in her since they'd become reacquainted in early June. His hips pressed against her and she felt a hardness press into her thigh. Opening her eyes, she watched mesmerized as his hips rocked against her in a steadily increasing rhythm until the reality of what they were doing crashed in on her with the sound of voices wafting on the night air.

She pulled away. "Chris, we have to stop! Some one will see us!"

"So what?" He was beyond being reasonable and returned his mouth to her flesh.

"Do you have any idea what my brothers would do to you if they found out?"

She pushed him away with all the strength of a young woman raised on a ranch and used to hard work. In an instant she had turned away from him and bent over pushing the sides of her corset together and letting her breast slip back inside. The voices grew louder and she took his arm, forcing him to walk slowly along the path.

------

_**In it I'd weave the bravery  
Of women giving birth  
In it I'd weave the innocence  
Of the children over all the earth  
Children of all the earth**_

As Jarrod remembered it, that night was a turning point in all their lives. Audra had seemed to be drifting into a life of willfulness that was at odds with her age and her basic temperament. It had frustrated all of them. They'd all learned some lessons that night and even if he'd never known all the details, he'd been happy with the outcome. Audra seemed to changer her direction overnight and the Barkley brothers had been spared the necessity of running off the son of good friends.

------

Heath had been looking for her for the last fifteen minutes and had just about decided to take a walk himself when the young couple reappeared inside. Audra looked flushed and, he thought, a little upset. Chris seemed unperturbed.

"May I have this dance?" Audra looked around, startled, only to see Michael at her elbow. Her confusion hadn't improved in the last few minutes. Her body was screaming at the new sensations that Chris had awoken in her. Her mind was reeling at how wanton their behavior had been and how unconcerned Chris seemed to be. She wasn't feeling like dancing and certainly not with his older brother.

"Oh Michael, I'm afraid now isn't a good time." He'd watched her return with Chris a few minutes before and wasn't surprised by her answer.

"Perhaps later then." He smiled and left.

"Audra, how could you?"Ada Perlman scolded. "That man has been trying to get up the nerve to ask you to dance all evening."

"I…I'm sorryAda it's just..." The older woman didn't like what she was seeing. Chris Smalley might be able to dazzle a naïve young woman like Audra Barkley but the mothers of the town knew exactly what he was about. What Victoria was doing letting Audra date him was beyond her.

"Come with me young lady."Ada took her by the arm and led her up the steps just as Heath and Jarrod were making their way over. She caught their eyes briefly, over her shoulder and shook her head. This was no time for brotherly concern or paternal outrage. Audra Barkley needed a woman's shoulder and not her own mother's.

"Audra, sit down."Ada commanded as she closed the door to one of the guest bedrooms. The young blond obeyed, used to the other woman's role as her other mother.

"Now you don't have to tell me what happened in the garden with Chris, I can guess."

Audra colored and couldn't meet her eyes. The kindly older woman placed a finger under her chin and forced her to look up. "I thought so. Tell me just one thing. Do you still have your virginity?"

Audra gasped at the bluntness of the question and answered back angrily, "Yes! Of course!"

"Don't you get impertinent with me, young lady. Can you honestly tell me that you weren't in danger of losing it out there tonight?" Audra's color deepened and she didn't answer.

"That's what I thought. It's time you grew up Audra Barkley. You are not some stupid, adlepatted, bit of fluff. I know you better than that. But you are not a little girl anymore and it's time you stopped playing games before you get yourself in a situation you can't get out of. I want you to think of what would have happened if anyone came on you and Chris out in the garden. Or if they hadn't and you'd let things go further. Whatever you were doing, how would it have affected your family? I have no doubt that Chris Smalley would be delighted to be forced into a marriage with a rich woman like you. The real question is whether you want to find yourself saddled to a man who would put you in that position? Looks fade Audra, and if you really pay attention you'll see a lot that you won't like under that smooth charm of his." She held the girl's chin in her hand and stared her straight in the eye. "Let me be blunt, whatever the man made you feel when he touched and kissed you, I doubt that kindness or concern will extend to the marriage bed. Is that what you want for the rest of your life? To be used by your husband for your money and your ability to give him children? Or do you want the kind of love your parents had, that Jarrod had? Don't you ever wonder why it is that your brothers aren't married? If it was just a bed partner and a brood mare they wanted they could all be settled and spending most of their evenings at the saloon."

Audra stared atAda dumbfounded. She could not imagine anyone having spoken to her in such a way and she was tempted to fly into a rage except that a voice in the back of her head told her that there was a lot of truth in those words, truth that she'd been deliberately refusing to see. Outside the door, Victoria and Jarrod Barkley stood quietly, not daring to breathe lest they be found out. Both of them sent up a prayer, waiting to catch whatever response the beautiful young woman would make. When the silence stretched on, they were encouraged that at least she hadn't flown into a rage.

"I'm sorry, Ada."

"It's not me you should be apologizing to, Audra. Do you have any idea what a race you've led your family on these last few months? How worried they are about you and the choices you've been making?"

"My family!" she rounded on Ada, suddenly angry. "They treat me like some kind of child. None of them take me seriously, so why should I act responsibly? Why half the time they can't be bothered to listen to my ideas."

Adasighed. It was a problem that she'd been trying to bring to Victoria's attention for some months. "I know Audra, I understand how frustrated you are, but this isn't the way to get their attention and make them respect you." Audra opened her mouth to reply but then thought better of it. She knewAda was right. Her rebellion hadn't worked so far and it wasn't likely to start.

She sat beside the young woman, on the bed and drew her into a warm embrace, laying the blond head against her shoulder. "What is it you want to do with yourself Audra?"

"Oh Ada, I want a family, like any woman does, but I need to do more than that! I thought getting involved with local charities would make me feel better, useful, but it hasn't. Except for the orphanage…those children have so little and everyone writes them off because their parents died." She couldn't help the tears that sprang to her eyes.

"It is sad, honey. And they're lucky to have you involved."

"No, you don't understand Ada! No one does!"

"Understand what?"

Don't you see? I think about how we were treated when father died and just because we had money and land we survived and we're considered respectable. Oh Jarrod and Nick were older, so it wouldn't have mattered for them. But a widow with two children to raise? If Tom Barkley hadn't been rich, Gene and I could have been where those children are now. They're treated like less than nothing because of something they had no control over."

Victoria and Jarrod stood outside the door, stunned, staring at each other. A small smile crept over both their faces and Jarrod reached out to tuck his mother's hand into the crook of his elbow. He escorted her back towards the staircase and when they were out of earshot of anyone else, he kissed his mother on the cheek. "I don't think we have anything to worry about. Well done, Mother."

She smiled up at her oldest. "And you Jarrod. She's going to be just fine…if you don't kill her first!" He let out a hearty laugh as they descended the staircase and rejoined the throng.

"Well, we're not going to solve this dilemma tonight, but promise me something, young lady." She smiled at the girl with genuine affection; Audra was as much family as any of her own children. "Promise me you'll try to be patient while we work it out? Now there's a young man who you need to dance with."

"Oh Ada, I really don't want to spend the rest of the evening with Chris, what can do that won't be rude?"

"Actually, I had Michael in mind. You let me worry about Chris." They returned to the party, brushing past Chris at the bottom of the steps.Ada stopped them briefly, whispering into Nick's ear for a few minutes and then led the girl over to where Michael Smalley stood.

"Audra, I believe you've met Michael?"

"Yes I have Ada. Michael, forgive me for my rudeness earlier, I wasn't feeling well." He bowed his head to her and smiled.

" I hope you're feeling better now?"

"Yes, much, thank you."

"Audra, did you know that Michael is studying for the ministry and working on setting up orphanages for Indian children in New Mexico?" The look of delight on Audra's face couldn't have been faked and Michael was warmed by her response. Most members of polite society didn't share his compassion or concern for the people who had lived on this land long before the white man had taken over.

Adaleft the two young people deep in conversation and searched out Victoria. Standing at her side, the two of them watched as Nick escorted Chris Smalley out to the garden, followed by Jarrod and Heath. "Thank you, Ada."

"That's what friends are for Victoria."

"Is there anything I should know?"

"No, dear. Nothing that you can't see with your own eyes if you'll open them." She patted her friend on the arm and the two women turned their attention to the party, returning to their roles as hostesses.

------

**_Far over the water,  
I'd stretch my magic band  
To every city,  
To every single land  
To every land_**

"But why is it a rainbow rug, Uncle Jarrod?"

"Well, the way Aunt Audra told it, the Navaho think of the rainbow as a Goddess and they show it in their art using this design." He pointed to the lines of red and blue, separated and bordered by white. "See these five stripes? And this is the Goddess' head, you know it's a female because it's square. And here are her feet." He pointed out the shapes to Victoria Ann as they looked at the fine weave and the intricate design of the small rug.

"The rainbow is female and the red in it is the color of the sun and the energy of all the earth, the blue is the color of the south, and of the sky."

Victoria Ann listened to her Great Uncle, trying to imagine what it must have been like for her Aunt to leave this fine house and go live in a poor Indian village. "Did you mind when Aunt Audra went to live there?"

"Well, I had my doubts. I didn't mind that she was going to do it, but I wasn't sure she could live without all her fine dresses."

_------_

Jarrod and Audra walked out in the moonlight, in their Mother's garden, one last time.

"You look sad Jarrod, please don't be!"

"Oh honey, I'm not really sad, it's just hard handing you over to another man's care." He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her into a warm embrace.

She smiled up at him and lightly punched him in the shoulder. "Now you can't tell me that you aren't glad to be rid of the headaches I've caused you all these years."

"Well, now that you mention it…" He chuckled as the sat on the bench amongst the roses. "As much trouble as you've been, I wouldn't trade a minute of it. I love you little sister."

"You wonder about Michael and me don't you?"

"I have my concerns, but not about your love. Just remember that we are here for the two of you. Keep yourselves safe?"

"We will. Oh Jarrod, I'm so excited. Tomorrow we'll be married and then Michael and I will be able to start on his dream."

"Have you thought about where you'll go after New Mexico?"

"There's an opportunity for us in Turkey, and one in New Zealand. We haven't really decided yet." Her eyes glowed with excitement while his held a spark of fear for this lovely young woman who he had raised almost as a daughter.

"What about your dreams, Audra?"

"His dream fits mine perfectly, Jarrod. That's how I knew we were right for each other!"

Jarrod thought back to the overheard conversation at the party and smiled, knowing that she was right.

"Well, you'd better get some sleep so you can beautiful tomorrow."

------

_**Show my brothers and my sisters  
My rainbow design  
Bind up this sorry world  
With hand and heart and mind  
Hand and heart and mind**_

"Uncle Jarrod, what are the other things up in Aunt Audra's room?"

In the library, Victoria and then the brothers had carefully displayed the momentos that Audra and Michael shipped home from the various missions they'd manned the world over. When Michael had returned with the children, after Audra's death from influenza, he'd lefthis son and daughterto be raised at the ranch and returned to the mission in New Mexico. He spent half the year there and half in Stockton, helping run the orphanage that had been so close to his wife's heart. The reminders of their travels had been moved into his room in the mansion and there they'd stayed after his death. The mission eventually closed, but the orphanage lived on, bearing her name and honoring her belief that all people had worth.

Jarrod took her by the hand and led her upstairs. "You know, I haven't been in to look at all of them in a while. She had a great fondness for rainbows and children."


End file.
